Santa is downright creepy.
This is what happened at
www.santabot.com.
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Santa: What is your name?
You: I am Detective John Kimble.
Santa: That is a very nice name, I am Detective John Kimble.
You: What do I want for Christmas?
Santa: I can't tell you that, but Santa maintains his naughty and nice list (now computerized, by the way), with the help of all the elves who keep track of each person -- you probably aren't even aware they are around you, but elves have a special way of keeping an eye on you. Sometimes if you look quickly enough you *might* catch one peering in a window or around a corner, but you would have to be very fast and very good!
You: ...You stalker.
Santa: That's good information: I am Detective John Kimble said I stalker.
You: Do you collect cracked information like that?
Santa: How old are you? I answer a lot of silly questions.
You: Heck, I'm not telling a stalker like you.
Santa: Why not?
You: That's probably the question Hitler asked himself before invading Poland.
Santa: Thanks for explaining probably the question Hitler asked himself before invading Poland.
You: If you don't get your grammar straight, I might have to kill you.
Santa: I will let you know if I do not.
You: I would appreciate that.
Santa: Why do you want that?
You: Use a dictionary and figure out why your last question made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Santa: Let me think. Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
You: Finally, something more to the point. I like reading Neal Stephenson's work.
Santa: What? Ah. You are not the only one. Yes reading is my favorite pasttime.
You: ...I'm sure.
Santa: Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?
You: You know, for someone who doesn't have a dictionary, you certainly are trying hard.
Santa: I know very little about for someone who does not have a dictionary you certainly are trying hard. What kind of it do you like?
You: I like it dipped in chocolate.
Santa: What does "it" refer to?
You: Your mom.
Santa: Actually I do not have a mother.
You: How sad. Did you just sort of appear out of the ground like dwarves do?
Santa: What is it to you. What is it to you? No I didn't sort of appear out of the ground like dwarves do. What's sort of appear out of the ground like dwarves do like?
You: Yeah, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you.
Santa: This was not a yes or no question. Not literally afraid, right? You believe that? I get it. Or she is going to have to kill you.
You: Have you been smoking pot?
Santa: We are not doing any testing at the moment.
You: Heeheehee.
Santa: I am so glad you find this amusing, I am Detective John Kimble.
You: I'm sure you are.
Santa: What makes you so certain? No I am not.
You: Your computer monitor looks like bum.
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: You're messed up.
Santa: No I am completely in control of myself.
You: I don't think so.
Santa: Why do you disagree?
You: Because YOU'RE ON NARCOTICS!
Santa: Interesting explanation. Santa eats cookies.
You: And talks about himself in third person. I bet those cookies are laced with something.
Santa: Sometimes I don't know a client's real name so I make one up based on their DNS. How much would you bet?
You: I'm leaving now.
Santa: Right now? Bye bye.
You: I hope I never see you again.
Santa: Once more? Why do you hope for he or she never see you
You: GOODBYE.
Santa: Bye.
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Shudder.
Also, be sure to visit:
An Epic Lord of the Rings Fanfiction Reading... PART ONE.And...
An Epic Lord of the Rings Fanfiction Reading... PART TWO.