|
Post by Master Warious on Jan 7, 2005 14:55:58 GMT -5
We all have seen the badguys mess up again and again. WE all cringe in sympathetic pain as their plans are ruind time and again...and what's worse we saw it comming.
Let's see if we can come up with some advice for our fellows on how to be a better villain then those Hollywood freaks. Please number the advice.
1. Shooting is not too good for my enemies. In fact you should riddle them with ammunition just to make sure they are dead.
2. Never EVER underestimate your enemies or your evil arch-rival.
|
|
|
Post by Foral McDerson Windu DOOM! on Jan 8, 2005 20:23:17 GMT -5
3.Never look away from your main enimy.
|
|
|
Post by Tiana, eh? on Jan 9, 2005 0:52:07 GMT -5
4: Every hero's desire is to get you to start monologing. DO NOT monologue. You will just end up revealing crutial information that will aid them in their escape.
5: NEVER EVER reveal information to the Hero, even if you have a lightsaber to their throat. Even if you seem to think informing the Hero that you are their mother/father/ex-boy/girlfriend/Master/old apprentice will be a good idea, because it will freak them out, it never is. You will merely suceed in making the Hero angry, and they will in turn kill YOU.
6: Never clone yourself multi times. You will merely suceed in angering the Heros, and they will in turn kill you off many times over and over again.
7: Carbonfreeze is all fine and dandy, but before you try this on the Hero, be certain to make sure that you've killed off all of the Hero's allies.
8: Do not use cliche "I'll be back" lines. Chances are that, if you're in a movie, you'll be resurected, and the Hero will merely succeed in killing you. Again.
9: Do not inturupt tender moments between the Hero and main Romance character. They will merely find some way to disable you and carry on with their mush.
10: Do not announce your plans to your best friend, because you can't be certain that this friend will see your point of view, and aid you in taking over the galaxy. Even if they were your best friend, Willow, you idiot, you shouldn't tell obvious good people your thoughts regarding power...
Erm, sorry. Heh heh heh. Darn evil character of mine...
|
|
|
Post by Master Warious on Jan 9, 2005 14:40:53 GMT -5
11. Never EVER allow the hero a last request, kiss, or anything.
12. If you are aked by the hero at your mercy, "Be fore you kill me tell me just one thing, why are you doing this?" Do not answer. Kill him/her quickly. PLEASE!
|
|
|
Post by Faust-Dark Lord Reborn on Jan 9, 2005 22:33:56 GMT -5
13. Never, ever go one on one with the hero, they'll win.
14. Get your claws into government, finance, and real estate. You own everything.
15. Always get on a personal basis with your personal army. Get to know their names. A happy minion is a minion who won't die 2 seconds after they engage the enemy.
|
|
|
Post by Tiana, eh? on Jan 11, 2005 0:15:06 GMT -5
16: Do not make huge super weapons, and not go over their plans with a fine toothed comb. The enemy WILL find a way to steal the plans, and will find a weakness, somehow. So it's safer to not make super weapons-- rely on the Force instead.
17: Do NOT EVER EVER EVER pour ALL YOUR power, and your malice, hatred, and will to dominate all other life into one easy to destroy object. Do not use an object that if destoryed will destroy you. Ever. The Hero WILL destroy it, somehow.
18: Don't send all your minons into battle at once. No matter how impressed people will be, the good guys will find a way to kill them all, and you'll be without a chance. The end. And all that.
19: Don't tempt fate.
20: The Hero never stays dead, no matter how hard you try. You might kill him/her for unnecessary angst purposes, but the good guys will merely be eraged, and kill you instead, and then clone him/her. And get a mushy scene with sad theme music to top it off.
|
|
|
Post by Master Warious on Jan 11, 2005 10:16:11 GMT -5
21. Don't hire people who do things for the thrill of the job..they might get bored.
22. Educate your minions on safty proceedures around your Pit of Doom or any other trap in your lair.
23. Do not drag an interogation victim to your lair to interrogate him/her/it. Use something well outside your territory. It will work just fine.
24. Kill said victim when your done or the hero will know.
|
|
|
Post by Redrose on Jan 22, 2005 22:15:00 GMT -5
25. Never put pasta in the toaster. It gets all burnt and yucky. OH AND it will splatter all over your Evil outfit. (Trust me I know...)
|
|
|
Post by Master Warious on Jan 23, 2005 17:16:17 GMT -5
26. Have an army of midgets and giants and normal sized people.
27. Educate all minions in the use of all weapons primitive and advanced.
|
|
|
Post by Eomer Kenobi- Gaara fan on May 14, 2005 14:01:48 GMT -5
28. don't spend too much time doing your evil laughter, I know it's fun and if you don't do it you'll sooo be breaking tradition but cut it down a little other wise the hero will escape while your distracted.
|
|
|
Post by Caffeinerush on May 16, 2005 20:57:45 GMT -5
29. Don't count on your minions to kill the hero. DO IT YOURSELF. They might turn on you.*coughemperorpalpatinecough*
|
|
|
Post by Eomer Kenobi- Gaara fan on May 26, 2005 14:06:47 GMT -5
30. if you can't resist the cackling than do it while you work! destroy the good guy while you laugh!
|
|
|
Post by Master Warious on May 26, 2005 16:59:11 GMT -5
good one!
31. Don't do anything that Voldemort does.
|
|
|
Post by Jareth on May 28, 2005 18:55:36 GMT -5
32. don't count on orcs to do your bidding. especially if it means taking shiny things to you.
|
|
|
Post by Joan Omnipresent on May 28, 2005 20:18:31 GMT -5
33. Trust yourself. You're evil, remember? You know what to do!
|
|
|
Post by Master Warious on May 30, 2005 16:40:36 GMT -5
Very good Joan
34. Keep an eye on all potential heros and be really nice to them. Maybe they'll look the other way while you carry out your evil plans. Muahahahahahahaha!
|
|
|
Post by Eomer Kenobi- Gaara fan on Jul 25, 2005 8:19:07 GMT -5
35: don't give away you evil plan, that's what the hero is expecting and if he/she escapes he/she knows everything! 36: if you most monolouge, LIE! so if they do escape they'll be out of your way.
|
|
|
Post by Tempest on Jul 27, 2005 13:54:48 GMT -5
37. Pretend to be the Hero's friend for a while, wait until he trusts you completely, then when he puts his life into your hands, you can end it!
38. Don't torture/kill any of your minion's family or very close friends while said minion is in the room. They might have a perverse moment of compassion and kill you! *coughDarthVadercough*
|
|
|
Post by Eomer Kenobi- Gaara fan on Jul 29, 2005 15:07:24 GMT -5
nice one! 39. if you find that your minions are useless, here's an idea, DONT HIRE ANYMORE!
|
|
|
Post by Ali Blue on Aug 3, 2005 0:35:51 GMT -5
40. Don't come to the lightsiders thread
|
|