The Quest of the Doomed Candies

[Tiana, eh?]

The Quest of the Doomed Candies

The Inevitable sequel to the Candies of Doom. You knew it would come to pass... tee hee... And this one will be better. You will not’ve had to read the prequel though... this one is fine on it’s own...

Prologue:

A long time ago... well... a few days ago... in a galaxy far, far away there were created candies... the Candies of DOOM! Well, of course, they were... well... DOOMED! Logically. So therefore they had to be destroyed. But one thing that was never mentioned in their tale is how they were created, etc... and now, we are about to learn the truth about the CANDIES OF DOOM!!!!

*Star Wars music begins to play*

Disclaimer: Apart from owning Darth Denal, Argon, and Tiana the Padawan, I own nothing else. Not Lord of the Rings, not Star Wars, not Pirates of the Carrebean, and not the Matrix. This one should take place in the Star Wars areas though... Oh, and Darth Warious, Jandalf the Orange, and Peregin the Silver are not mine. They belong to respective fanfiction personas.

I amar prestar aen... the world is changed... ah, why bother with this...?

Basically... no wait... I’ll just let you see for yourself...



<<<Prologue... still>>>


“I am the Emperor, and I will take over the world of Pirates of the Carrebean fanfiction. So I have created the Doomed Candies... to RULE THEM ALL!!!” *Random quote...*

The Emperor wrinkled his nose. “Why did I just say that? Anyhow, since my attempts on the world of the Lord of the Rings have failed, and I will take care of that later, I must stop these people from destroying the Candies of Doom, and stopping my plan for world DOMINATION!!!! So, obviously, I’ll have to stop them. But... how..........”

Crickets chirped as the Emperor thought.

“OH, HAND!!!!” he called.

A woman with bright red hair... the Emperor’s Hand... Mara Jade (Hey, why leave her out?) “Yes, my master?” she said seriously.

“Darth Warious has obviously forgotten her part in this, Mara Jade. I grant you the mission now. You will go and retrieve the Candies for me. Oh, and while you’re at it, kill Luke Skywalker.”<br>
“Yes, my master.... wait, SKYWALKER?!?!?!?!?”<br>
“NOT VADER, NINNY!!!” the Emperor screamed. “HIS SON!!!!! HE MUST DYE!!!!”<br>
Mara caught the misspelling, and grinned. “As
you wish. Skywalker will dye.”<br>
The Emperor cackled evilly.

Mara snrked.... just as a bucket of green dye came flying over the Emperor’s throne. Palpatine came out looking like someone had just dumped green paint on him, and Anakin Skywalker laughed uncontrollably. “Want... some... garlic?”<br>
The Emperor fumed, but it was only a hologram.

The Jedi Master controlling the holograph stepped out. “I know where they are going, and where Luke will be, master,” he said.

The Emperor’s face split into an evil grin. “Jedi Argon. I knew you would be back.”<br>

A/N: More plot this time... lot’s more... lot’s.... yes, precious...


((The Fellowship of the Doomed Candies is made up as follows: 1. Denal 2: Maul 3: Vader 4: Warious 5: Obi-Wan 6: Qui-Gon 7: Jandalf 8: Frodo 9: Sam 10: Merry 11: Pippin 12: Galadriel 13: Haldir 14: Jack 15: Leia 16: Count Dooku 17: Sauron 18: Aragorn 19: Legolas 20: Yoda 21: Gandalf 22: Perigin 23: Random Ewok 24: Agent Smith 25: Tiana 26: Éowyn 27: Han 28: Chewie 29: Will 30: Audreidi 31: Luke))

Now, if you’re still wondering about the Candies of Doom... well, I’m sure you are... drat... sigh...


In the gas pits of Yavin, in the deepest depths there were, the Emperor Palpatine forged, in secret, a master Candy to control all others. One Doomed Candy to rule them all! And, since no one had expected that, the candy remained in secret until it was shipped off with all the other doomed Candies to Middle-earth, and Palpatine’s plan to dominate the world of POTC fanfiction failed.

The Candy betrayed him... to his dea... no wait, never mind. The candy didn’t do anything but abandon him.

History became legend... sigh, this isn’t going to work, is it.

So let’s just say this, he sent out Darth Warious to return the candy, but she enjoyed eating warheads a bit too much... tee hee...

And that answers that. I feel that this story will explain itself sooooooo...

[Tiana, eh?]

<<<Chapter One>>>

*taking off from where we left off last time... well, not quite...*

Darth Warious pouted. “Why can’t I just eat the rest of the Doomed Candies?” she asked for the millionth time. “It would save us so much trouble.”<br>
Haldir patted her on the back. “You’ll manage,” he said, trying to sound reassuring.

“I STILL don’t know what’s going on!” Han shouted. Tiana, well, Éowyn Skywalker, but she was using her real name at the moment, had pulled him into the quest as the last member of the Quest of the Doomed Candies, and Chewie was having a heck of a time explaining it to him.

Tiana was, at the moment, arguing with Darth Denal about conspiracies, which was one of their many arguments.

Darth Maul was trying to kill Luke, as usual. Jandalf, Perigin, and Gandalf were talking with Sauron, trying to figure out what had caused them to land in Star Wars time, in the Millennium Falcon, as that was, seemingly, impossible.

And that’s just mentioning a few of the things going on. Pippin and Merry had found a Sabacc game plan, and were discussing possible ways to cheat, putting them right on line with any Coriellian smuggler.

To sum it all up, it was loud in there. Not to mention the fact that there was a TIE fighter right a port side... wait, I wasn’t suppose to mention that. Or the Star Destroyer... erk... oops...

“HOLY CRAP!” shouted Sauron, startling everyone out of their arguments long enough for them to start up another one regarding crap, and the fact that it is not holy. Well, everyone but Aragorn and Agent Smith, who were swordfighting over in the gun turrets. Basically, it was the typical insanity of them all.

Tiana found herself growing tired of the noise though, and, even though there was Star Destroyer still following them, drawing on theme music that sounded faintly like Karad-dum’s theme, she walked across the ship. There was just too much going on for her to survive thinking it all over... far too much.

Why had she taken those Doomed Candies anyhow? Now they were off with a fellowship of all too many people, including Sauron, of all people, and she was starting to regret this really badly.

The Padawan sighed, and tried to fall asleep, which was, of course, hampered by the theme music that was pounding loudly throughout the ship.

<<<>>>

Amariden Ravenhill, a very short, and furry footed Padawan learner walked throughout the passages of the hidden hideaway in the depths of Yavin. She was now under the training of Boromir, and Éomer, and their newest companion, who was calling himself Sauron the Second. A long time ago, she had lived peacefully in the Shire, until they had learned that she was a Force-sensitive Hobbit... a rare thing indeed. Now, she was stuck here, under training with Boromir and Éomer, on the grounds of conspiring. “They are non compos mentis!” she muttered. (They are crazy!). Not that she wasn’t too... it was said that she could’ve went head to head with Captain Jack Sparrow himself in a drinking contest!

And maybe she would get that chance too... their goal was, after all, to take over the world of fanfiction, starting in the Caribbean, and on, to the greatest realm of Lord of the Rings. That had been their first try, but it had failed... the Candies of Doom had not been a strong enough tool for them. Not even the dreaded Mary-Sues were there for them... that was why, in secret, they forged a new weapon... the Lightsaber of Doom!!!

Based on an old weapon of fanfiction, the Lightsaber of Doom was just that... doomed! Their goal with it was to doom all of fanfiction kind to torment in the deepest depths of Yavin if they were not granted control over the greater fanfiction realms: Star Wars, PotC, LotR, The Matrix, and others, of lesser importance.

T’was true that the Emperor too was tryingo gain control, and had, as well, sent in te Candies, but his fate was not to own the realms of fanfiction, Amariden knew that. She knew that their’s would be the worlds of fanfiction, and no longer would people stare at her for being a Hobbit-Jedi-Padawan, because SHE would have POWER!

Amariden cackled evilly. Boromir and Éomer had, indeed, brainwashed the poor, unsuspecting Hobbit ((who will kill me, but, Amariden, you’ll see what happens...)). But within the girl, insanity still dwelt... and soon, it would surface! *dun DUN dun dun dun DUUUUUNN*

<<<>>>

A long time ago, in a land far, far away, there was a doomed lightsaber, which no one knew anything about, and no one NEEDED to know anything about. The only reason it was doomed was because of the really cool Elvish script that played around in when it was flicked on. The sad thing was that this lightsaber was in the possession of no one else but Bob the Nameless Wraith himself! Oh yeah, and not to mention the Gummie Bears of Smite that were in the possession of Trinity Sandlover herself as well... but that’s not the point. And don’t anyone confuse her with the original Trinity, lover of Neo, because Trinity Sandlover is NOT anywhere close to being related to her... yeah... well... I couldn’t recall what name she was going under at the time of spoof, so the name had to suffice... the author couldn’t help that it was the same as a known character.. okay, ENOUGH WITH THIS!!!!

Anyhow, this story is called the Quest of the Doomed Candies for more than one reason, and that is that there are many Doomed Candies in this world, and none of them should be wrote lightly! So, we have the Doomed Candies, the ORIGINAL ones, the Warheads of POWER... and now there’s the Gummie Bears of Smite, and lesse... there’s the Chocolate Bar of Terror, and... yeah... there are many Doomed Candies in this world, and as usual, by babbling, I’m giving out spoilers... must... not... give... out... spoilers!

At the present time, we are NOT at the present time, merely for the sake of not confusing everyone who might be reading this, and yet confusing them anyhow... giggle.


Oh yeah... right... stop.

*A long time ago, that wasn’t actually that long ago, in a very well known place...*


Neo: Trinity... RUN!


Trinity: I AM running!

*suddenly, the author wonders what prompted the return to script format, as she doesn’t like writing in it anymore than before*


The two ran for dear life, as Agent Smith look-alike number 624 chased them. “Surrender the Candies...” he proclaimed.

“Candies? What candies?” asked Trinity, the one who loved Neo, and not the other Trinity which had been mentioned here. You see, after the adventures of Middle-earth, their memories had been wiped on the return to the Matrix, so that they could concentrate on the task at hand, which was, presently, running for dear life.

“I don’t know,” Neo answered, and proceeded to shoot the agent.

Trinity pulled some Gummie Bears from her pocket. “You don’t suppose he meant these, do you?”<br>
A voice from above suddenly spole, darkly, and evilly, sounding very menacing. “Yes... he meant those candies.” A girl who could’ve been Trinity’s twin jumped down, along with a character looking strangely like Darth Vader, but had a pink bow stuck to his head also fell down. He clutched a Pepsi bottle tightly in one hand. “You see, Trinity,” she started, ignoring the fact that Neo was threatening to shoot her, “you have in your possession one of the known Candies of Doom. At present, there was only one Doomed Candy known of, and that was the Arsenic Coated Warheads of Doom. You have the second candies, of an earlier design, known as the Gummie Bears of SMITE!” She grinned as her voice echoed throughout the area. “These Gummie Bears are one of the Doomed Candies that the Fellowship of the Doomed Canides is going to destroy in... oh... well... their quest should start in about 15 minute.”<br>
“How do you know all this.”<br>
“That’s easy mate! We’re from the future. Now, if you’ll hand over the Candies, I’ll make sure they go to those who can destroy them, and you can have some normal Gummie Bears... those Agents will never stop chasing you... hey, WHERE ARE YOU GOING...” She spun around as the Vader look-a-like went running after the agents.

“THEY TOOK MY PEPSI!” he answered.

She sighed. “Anyhow, here’s five dollars to buy some new Gummie Bears, and do us all a favor, and forget you ever heard of the Candies of Doom... trust me here, you really don’t want to remember them.”<br>
Trinity’s look-a-like sped off with the Gummie Bears of Smite, and disappeared into a flash of greenish blueish orangeish doomy light, leaving Neo and Trinity to wonder... wonder... wonder...

Of course, as this is a spoof, nothing, that should’ve been forgotten, was lost. There were, after all, more than just the known Candies of Doom... we were about to encounter more.


*taking place at the time of the original Candies of Doom, we find ourselves in the Darkest Depths of PotC, where Elizabeth is sitting, and staring at the sea*

<<<>>>


“Sigh,” Elizabeth sighed, and munched on some random Lays chips, that happened to be there, at the moment. “Why does everything have to go against me... Mary-Sues stealing my Will... what can go wrong.”<br>
...everything can go wrong...

Reaching into her dress pocket, she pulled out some Smarties, and munched on them, not noticing the ingredients noting: Do not eat unless you are certain you can handle the Doom that comes with these Smarties.

Nor, of course, did she note the label reading: The Smarties of Forebodingness...

Seemingly, there were more Candies of Doom then the Fellowship had anticipated.

[Tiana, eh?]

Please review it HERE!!!!

You will review as you await the next piece...

-Eowyn Skywalker

[Tiana, eh?]

<<<Chapter Two *dun dun dun dun dun dun...*>>>


Doom...

Yes... there were many of the doomed candies...

All was going as planned.

Is all well, my lord?

Yes.

The candies have impressed themselves upon the world of fanfiction?

Indeed... their power... OUR power grows stronger each new day.

Soon we will be free.

Yes. Soon fanfiction will be ours.

They locked us here.

No longer will we be held in the depths of darkness.

But not yet will we have our revenge.

No. Not yet... time is still against us.

A smile in the dark.

Something stirred, as a dark menace began to awaken from it’s dark, and shadowy sleep.

Soon.

Yes. Soon.

<<<>>>

Argon sat, fidgeting with his holo-projector. “So, what you are saying, Emperor, is that I must join with you, that we may take over the world of fanfiction?”<br>
The Emperor nodded. “However, if you do not join the Sith, and stay as your pathetic little Jedi-self, there will be doominess.”<br>
He blinked. “So, if I join you, we will take over the world, and all shall love us and despair.”<br>
“Yeah, that’s about it, yep.”<br>
“Can I have my own super weapon?” he asked.

The Emperor nodded. “If you join me, anything in the Empire you want will be yours, and super weapon... the Death Star, the Suncrusher...
anything.”<br>
“Great! I’ll join!” The Jedi Master looked quite enthused. “I’ve always wanted my own garlic bombs...”<br>
The Emperor started to say something, but by
then, it was too late. The damage was done. The garlic had entered into the Quest of the Doomed Candies. And now, the candies really were doomed... mwha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

*The author has a revelation, this story isn’t is a script format, but it’s just as odd, and has twice as much narration*

And there was much doom in the lands of Fanfiction... oops... ahead of it’s time... meep. *heh heh* As I, as the narrator was saying...

Oh yeah...

<<<>>>

“Why is there a Star Destroyer following us?” Pippin asked, when a lull in the Sabacc game came, and he and Merry were able to look out of the windows. This so shocked all the of the argumentative people who seemed to frequent the Falcon, that Pippin decided to hide underneath the table.

“Everyone stay calm,” CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow announced, “we are taking over the ship.”<br>
“WHAT?!” hollered Han.

“MMMMWWWWAAAKKKKK! RFUF GRRRRRRRRR!” announced Chewie, or something else of the like that translated into an unprintable comment.

“Now, now, take it easy,” Jack said, stepping
back. “I’m Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?”<br>
“There’s room for only one captain on the Falcon,” Han answered, “and that’s me. Now, if you do not wish to answer to my first mate here, I’d suggest that you sit down now.”<br>
“But I’m Captain Jack Sparrow, son.”<br>
Han shot daggers out of his eyes towards the pirate, as Will Turner dragged him back into a seat. “Jack...”<br>
“Captain,” muttered Jack. “Captain Jack
Sparrow.”

Everyone, of course, by this point, had completely forgotten about the Star Destroyer beside the ship, that was drawing on all sorts of theme music that should not’ve been ignored, but was. Of course, by this point, the Millennium Falcon was starting to sound like the Bridge of Kazad-dum, the music was so loud, and pounding.

Any normal person would’ve had a headache by that point, sadly, none of them were normal.

“HE’S TRYING TO TAKE OVER MY SHIP!” Han screamed.

“MMMRRRRRRRRROOOORORRRRRR!” exclaimed Chewie.

“Minions of Xendor™” stated Jandalf.

“It’s a conspiracy!” shouted Tiana.

“NO IT’S NOT!” screamed Darth Denal.

“YES IT IS!”<br>
“NO IT’S NOT!”<br>
“YES IT IS!”<br>
“NO IT’S NOT!”<br>
“I HAVE A HEADACHE!”<br>
“THEN STOP SHOUTING!”<br>
“NO!”<br>
“NO!”<br>
“PPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHH!”<br>
“PPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH!”<br>
Tiana then proceeded to wonder why she had bothered coming back out. “I’M THE CANDY-BEARER, YOU CAN’T STICK YOUR TONGUE OUT AT ME!” she screamed.

“OH YEAH?!”<br>
“YEAH!”

The two continued to argue.

Darth Warious rolled her eyes, and ate the Doomed Candies.

“Hey... we were suppose to destroy those...” Tiana said.

Darth Warious shrugged. “Saves you a trip... hey, THOSE ARE MY CANDIES!!! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!!!”<br>
Tiana sighed, and handed over the arsenic coated Warheads of POWER! “Here... now leave the Candies of Certain Doom alone, and leave those to me! I have to destroy them!!!”<br>
“Whhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy?”<br>
“Because!”

“Because why?!”<br>
“BECAUSE I HAVE TO AND THEY ARE DOOMED AND IF I DON’T ALL OF MIDDLE-EARTH AND ALL THE REST OF THE WORLDS WILL BE DESTROYED LEAVING US TO TORMENT UNDER CONTROL OF A BUNCH OF REALLY EVIL GUYS WITH LIGHTSABERS AND OTHER THINGS THAT HURT! Not to mention garlic.”<br>
Everyone shut up promptly, except for Pippin. “Does this mean we don’t get breakfast?”<br>
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” screamed Tiana. “WE GET BREAKFAST, JUST NO MORE DOOMED CANDIES!!!!!!!!!”<br>
Darth Warious ate more candy, while Haldir tried to console the distraught Sith Lady.

Tiana walked over to a window, and sighed. Something was very wrong here.


<<<>>>

[Tiana, eh?]

In a Star Destroyer parked beside the Falcon, there was a furious red-haired woman. And that woman was the Emperor’s Hand. And she was mad because she was in a Star Destroyer, that was incredibly obvious, and yet, the Falcon STILL hadn’t noticed it.

She sighed. “Whoever the officer that’s driving this thing, come here and answer my questions, or I’ll make Darth Vader teach me how to Force-choke people.

The random officer scurried up. Mara peered at him... it... him?... “Why, exactly, is a JAWA the commanding officer?!”<br>
“We are not a Jawa, precious,” hissed a voice from underneath the dark hood. “We are Gollum-wraith, yesss we are.”<br>
Mara held her nose. “Why, exactly, do you smell like rotten fish?! And WHYever did the Emperor hire such a useless, fish smelling creature to run a Star Destroyer!?!” Her face was nearly as red as her hair with anger.

Gollum-wraith attacked her. “Fissssssh are not rotten smelly... hissssssssss... we are not usssslesssssssssssss... preciousssss... we mussst kill redhaired one. No. Yesssss... redhaired one is nasssssssty. No, we can’t kill her.”<br>
Mara quirked her eyebrows.

“You will not say that we smell like nasssty fisssh again. Fissssh are tassssty... yes they are preciousssssss.”<br>
Mara shrugged. “Fair enough. Now, why hasn’t the Falcon noticed us?”<br>
“Falcon? No, there’sssss no crunchable birdsssss... no nice birdssss for usss to eat.”<br>
She fumed again. “THERE IS A SHIP OUT THERE THAT IS SMALLER THAN US!!”

“Oh, doessss nasssty redhaired woman want nassssssty oval ship? We’ll get it for her, Smeagol alwayssss helpssss... for fisssssssh.” He pulled out a tractor beam, and reeled in the Millennium Falcon. “See, Smeagol’s good... Smeagol helpssss...”<br>
Mara sighed. “Do and do... whatever it is that you do... eat fish, or something. And STAY OUT OF MY WAY!”<br>
The Gollum-wraith scampered off, and another woman detached herself from the wall, and stepped in. Her eyes were exactly like Gollum’s had been when he had been living. “I am sorry about that,” she said. “But Gollum tends to be a bit... well... you know. He’s hard to handle. It’s worse when he’s on one of his Pyromaniac days.”<br>
Mara choked. “On WHAT?!”<br>
The girl repeated what she had said, and it took Mara a few moments to catch her breath, and get her voice back. “And who are you?”<br>
“I’m Adrienne Gollumeyes, his sister,” the newcomer stated. “You know me... I am the new Sith’s master.”<br>
“You are Darth Aragorn’s master.”<br>
“Yessss... Jedi Argon’s master... I am the one who led him to the Dark. I would suggest, Miss Jade, that you stay out of the way of Smeagol... it would be wise.”

Mara glared at the newcomer for a moment, and decided that now was not the time to fight, as she looked out at the Falcon...


<<<>>>


The Falcon promptly blew up, killing everyone in the vicinity, and destroying the Candies of Doom.


The end.






Okay, I’m KIDDING!

The Falcon drifted through space, peacefully aware of the eyes that followed it, watching, waiting, and searching. Of course, it wasn’t exactly PEACEFUL, being as everyone within it seemed to be arguing, screaming, shouting, or pleading... or something else of the like. And the theme music continued to drone on, getting louder and more foreboding as the Star Destroyer reached out with it’s tractor beam, and grabbed them.

Han swore loudly.

Darth Vader swore louder. “Mara Jade is on that ship,” he hissed in his artificial voice. “After the time back when I was a young Sithly Jedi, with the red hair dye, she never forgave me... that is why her hair is red.”<br>
“But you see...” Jack started.

“We all know you’re Captain Jack Sparrow,” Han said, and sighed. “And let me tell you this, Captain, there’s room for only one captain to give orders on this ship. Me. And if you even think of trying that little trick with the ‘taking over the ship’ thing, you’ll be floating
home.”<br>
“I WANT CANNNNNDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!” screamed Darth Warious, using the Annoying Side of the Force upon everyone. “IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME MY CANDY, I’LL PULL OUT MY CHAIR BOLTS OF DOOM™!!!!!!!!!”<br>
((Everyone will go and read and review Darth Warious’s story, The Dark Lord’s Show))

Darth Vader fainted.

“Not the Chair Bolts of Doom!(™)” gasped Sauron.

“Heh heh,” said Tiana.

“Heh heh heh,” said Éowyn.

“Myyyyyy prrrreccccciousssssssss...” said Darth Denal.

“HAVE HEADACHE, I DO!!!” screamed Yoda. “TURNED PINK, I AM... PINK?!?!?!?!?!?!?
AHHHHHHHHHHH...” The diminutive Jedi Master ran around screaming, while everyone else screamed louder.

“IIIIII WWIIIIILLL HAVVVVEEEE MMMYYYYY CAAANNNNNDDDIIIESSSS OOFFFFF DOOOOOOOOMMMMM!” screamed Darth Warious, even louder, gluing everyone to the roof with the Annoying Side of the Force.

“Awwww,” Tiana sighed.

“Skywalkers,” muttered Jandalf, ogling over Obi-Wan.

“WHY PINK, AM I?!?!?” Yoda continued to scream.

“CCCCCAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” demanded Darth Warious. “The Candies of Doom are rightfully mine anyhow! And I want them!” She glared at Tiana, who was trying to hide the Candies of Doom.

“They must be destroyed!” Tiana said. “You can’t just eat them! Go and eat your Arsenic Coated Poison Warheads, or whatever! I have to destroy these ones! If I don’t, certain doom shall fall upon us all, and
we’ll all dye!”<br>
“DYED, I AM!!! LOOK LIKE COTTON CANDY BALL, I DO!!!!” Yoda screeched.

Tiana sighed. “Oh well... I suppose that being slightly more doomed won’t hurt.”<br>
“But why do you have to destroy THIS Candy?” asked Warious, taking the candies from Tiana, while everyone else continued to scream. “There are other Doomed Candies out there.”<br>
“There’s WHAT?!” Tiana screamed, and fainted.

“H?” asked Warious.

Haldir stepped forward, and cleared his throat:
“Three Doom-ed Candies for the Sith within the sky,
“Seven Gummie Bears for the Agents, in their Matrixy halls,
“Nine Smarties for the Pirates, doomed to be cursed,
“One Lightsaber for the Dark Lord in his dark world,
“In the Planet of Yavin where the gemstones lie.
“One Lightsaber to rule them all,
“One Lightsaber to find them.
“One Lightsaber to bring them all, and in the Darkness bind them.
“In the planet of Yavin where the gemstones lie.”<br>
Darth Warious took the cue, and cleared her throat. “There are many doomed Candies in this world, Tiana... and one Lightsaber to rule them all. You do not need to destroy the Candies, just the Lightsaber of Doom!”<br>
Tiana sighed. “Then take the Candies of Doom, and keep them out of my face. NEW QUEST, EVERYONE! WE GET TO FIND THE LIGHTSABER OF DOOM!”<br>
“Candy,” sighed Darth Warious, oblivious to everything else.

***TO BE CONTINUED... Review me please!***

[Tiana, eh?]

<<The next chapter.>>

A/N: If you haven’t read Paint Wars, The Dark Lord’s Show, or Insanity Prevailing, this will make no sense, I think... I dunno... I’m writing it now, on the spur of the moment kinda thing... meh. Go read the fanfics anyway. This chapter will be more in character to the characters that aren’t mine who I was twisting... I hope. After LotG, I kinda memorized Jandalf’s character... *mutter* Things may appear that make no sense if you have not read that, which means that no one but myself, Shadow, and Jandalf will understand certain things if I choose to use them... you can tell I really have no clue what I’m up to, can’t you? Heh.

On with the story... I hope. Agggh, I’m pathetic as a narrator!!!!!!

...

“So, we have them now?” asked Mara Jade, sitting back in her seat. She still was not used to Gollum being on her ship, but Adrienne Gollumeyes was doing her best to keep him under control... but then, Adrienne had also a moment earlier while the narrator was sleeping overthrown the Emperor, and became the Empress of all this realm. Annoyingly though, the Emperor was still around, and plotting his evvvvviiiiiil plots.

Randomly, a phone rang.

“Huh?!” Adrienne jumped.

Heh heh heh.

“Not. Funny.” She picked up the phone. No
one was there... she had the faintest feeling that this was a foreboding phone call.

What they don’t know...

“YOU WOULDN’T!!!!!!!!”<br>
I would.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I’LL RUN OFF AND MARRY LEGOLAS IF YOU DARE!!!!!!!!”<br>
I’m daring.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Adrinne jumped up and down, and succeeded in putting a rather large dint in a random appearing metal pole-- which was shocking, considering that metal poles don’t dint as well as medal poles. However, upon locating a Gollum plushy, she sat back down. “Okay, so who’s doing the Neo persona?”<br>
Nuh-uh. I’m not telling you. No plots revealed THIS early on!

“You aren’t using Tiana, I can tell by your face.”<br>
You can't see me.

“No, but I can hear you.”<br>
But you said you could see me... ahhgggg! I’m confused!

Adrienne hugged her Gollum toy, while Mara decided to go and see if they had captured the ship yet. “I can’t see you... but who is it?”<br>
Not telling!

“Fine!” She pouted.

Aggh. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this all-powerful-ish narrator thing. I don’t see how Jandalf can handle it in her fanfics.

“Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee.” Cackling, Adrienne stood up. “So, what are you going to do with the excess characters?”<br>
What?!

“You know what I’m talking about.”<br>
Sigh... yeah, I do. So I’m not following all canon!

“What are you going to do with them? I mean, they’re all on the Falcon, happy as can be... with their doomed candies that are spread throughout the area, of course.”<br>
How did YOU know what I was plotting?!

“I know a lot.”<br>
...you aren’t Adrienne.

“I am TOO!” Adrienne glared at her.

No... you’re acting too much like another.

“Sigh... I haven’t even read that fanfic, how can I act like a character from it?!”<br>
Good point. Oh well, let’s see what we can do about this plot...

“Plot?”<br>
That’s beside the point!!!!!!!!


--------------------


Suddenly, the ship that everyone was in lurched, and everyone went flying out into nowhere in particular. Tiana screamed, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT THE EVIL PLOT BUNNIES OF TERROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”<br>
Darth Warious lunged for the candies. “I’m NOT LEAVING THEM!!!!!!!!”<br>
Jandalf hugged Obi-Wan, who conveniently was in hugging range at that moment. “You aren’t trying to cross this over with the LotG plot are you?” she asked suspiciously of the narrator, who was inserting evil, doomy theme music at that moment.

Uhhh... no?

“THEN WHAT’D’YA THINK’S HAPPENING HERE? HUH? HUH??”<br>
Yeesh! Do you HAVE to do that?

“Moo.”<br>
NNNNNAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a loud THUD heard, and suddenly everything devolved into a shadowy purpley green light.

“IIIIIII WWAAAAANNNNTTTTT MMMYYYYY CAAANNNNDDDDYYYYYY!!!!!” Darth Warious screamed, as she disappeared, as was mentioned above. If you didn’t notice that everything was evaporating THEN WHY ARE YOU READING THIS FANFIC?!!!!!?!!??!?!?!??! HUH?

Whoa... I really need to stop letting Jandalf influence my writing!

Then, in order to speed on the plot which was taking forever to move on due to the narrator’s excessive rambling, everything made a loud POOF and disappeared. Leaving the narrator in the middle of outer space to contemplate evil plot bunnies that shouldn’t even be in this fanfiction.


...................


“Wow, isn’t this convenient?” Darth Warious asked sarcastically, as herself, Haldir, Perigin, Galadriel, Merry, Pippin, and the random Ewok somehow appeared in a location that looked remotely like Mount Doom. In order to fit with a plot that doesn’t even exist, Galadriel proceeded to stand up, go super nova, and fall into the volcano.

Whoa... that was freaky. Why the heck did that just happen?

No clue.

Why am I talking to myself?

No clue either.

Nnngaahhh! I’m so used to having N1 with me!!!

The Sith Lady sat down to munch on her
candies as Galadriel somehow climbed out without a singe mark on her, or a tear in her dress.

“Impressive.”<br>
Perigin munched on seaweed chips. “Want some?”<br>
“NO!”<br>
She sighed. “FINE!”<br>
The Random Ewok jumped up and down. Everyone ignored him. Haldir attempted to hug Darth Warious, but she shoved him away, because she isn’t allowed to fall in love this soon in the plot line that doesn’t even exist.

Merry and Pippin sat back down right away, and continued on a sabacc game, in which they were betting on who would win Bag-End when Frodo died.

“NOOOOOO!!!” A tinny little voice suddenly jumped into the picture, and everyone else jumped, thus causing the random Ewok and Galadriel to both fall into the volcano. Neither were missed, either-- well, Haldir was quite devastated to see Galadriel die, but that was beside the point. At the moment they were all worried about this new appearance.

“P.G. FAERIE!!!!” Pippin and Merry screamed consecutively. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” They fainted, and landed in a nearby lard hole. The Lard of the Black Lands, to be exact, who belongs to Vanacoriel Took, and I hope she doesn’t kill me for making use of her co-author!

The tinny voice snickered. “Heeheeheeheehee. I am P.G.Faerie, yes.”<br>
Darth Warious stood up, and stuffed her pockets full of candies, which wasn’t an easy thing, because the narrator has decided that she had very large pockets. “What are you doing here?”<br>
Erm... cough... cough... nudge...

“THE NARRATOR POOFED HER HERE!!!” Pippin screamed.

Poofed?

“Yeah, you know, when things randomly appear from nowhere just to fit with the plot...”<br>
That’s KAVAAM. Mutter. And no, I did not kavaam her here. My kavaaming skills are less then workable... heh...

“I am here because my master sent me,” she said in her highish little tinny voice.

“Your master?” asked Haldir, helping himself
to candies.

Darth Warious slapped him. “No touchy! MINE!!!!”

“My master... Éomer and Boromir.”<br>
“AAAHHHHH!!!!!!” (faints)

(confused Perigin) “Shouldn’t the narrator be saying our actions?”<br>
(The narrator is in such a state of shock that she cannot speak.)

“COOOOOLLLLL!!!!!!!!” (Darth Warious cheers) “THAT MEANS...”<br>
“WE CAN NARRATE!!!!” (finished Perigin.)

Thus the story is suddenly now narrated by Darth Warious.

NO! I’m the narrator!

“Well, look, she can suddenly talk. Oh well, all I was going to do was pull up a lifetimes supply of candies anyhow... heh.” Darth Warious rolled her eyes. And slapped Haldir again. “MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!!!”<br>
At this rate, they’ll never get anywhere near a quest, because they’ll just end up arguing the entire time... groan.

............

*review me!*