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Post by Lady Maeggaladiel on Jan 12, 2005 11:33:09 GMT -5
Maeg: You'd rather have Far as a medical professional than a judge?!
Far: *checks vital signs* Heeeey... Can Lard even HAVE vital signs? Y'know, him being an animated chunk of lard and all? *prods Lard*
Fig: At least WE'RE not his patients.
Far; OKAY, THE OPERATION WILL NOW BEGIN! PREPARE THE ENORMOUS POINTY NEEDLE!
Fig: *Sees needle and faints*
Maeg: *Sees needle and has nervous breakdown. Then faints. Then realizes that being unconscious around Far and a needle isn't a good idea and wakes up*
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Post by Jandalf on Toast on Jan 13, 2005 18:14:37 GMT -5
Obi-Wan: (shivers and hides under his wig)
Jandalf: Eeps. Did they have any anesthetic for the Lard? Because I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the poor guy.
Anna-Maria: (yells out) Heart rate fluctuating! Or something to that effect! Is that bad?
Jandalf: No, he's just panicking or something.
Anna-Maria: Then what about that? (points to another flat-looking line)
Jandalf: That's his brain activity, I think.
Anna-Maria: ...Oh.
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Post by Vanacoriel on Jan 13, 2005 19:13:24 GMT -5
Van: Of course the Lard has vital signs. He can sing and dance. Anything that can do that has to have vital signs. You shouldn't feel sorry for the Lard...he's a ball of lard. that moves. It doesn't have to many emotions.
Lard: Do...not...pity...me....*sees needle looks at van* be...good. *faints*
Van: *Being dragged out of opperating room* NO!! HE NEEDS ME!!! HE NEEDS ME!! THEY DID THIS IN E.T. HE NEEEDDDSSS MEE!!!
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Post by Snake Lady on Jan 13, 2005 21:38:08 GMT -5
Aragorn: [imagines flying] "I always wanted to fly.. it would be so much easier than walking... See the eagle can fly and they saved frodo THEY SAVED HIM.. why cant I fly? I'm king!! "
SnakeLady: "tell me about. I have to go around on my belly and scales.. not very comforable"
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Post by Jandalf on Toast on Jan 14, 2005 13:34:37 GMT -5
Obi-Wan: (adjusts wig yet again, by now feeling rather uncomfortable) Well...Aragorn does have that crown with the funny wings on the sides...
Jandalf: So you're saying, he could fly if he tried it?
Obi-Wan: I don't know. Perhaps he should run off after Denethor and see what happens. Oh, and take a parachute as a precaution.
Jandalf: Do they have parachutes in Middle-earth?
Obi-Wan: Well...they don't have many occasions to use them...but I don't see why they couldn't make one. He is the king, after all.
Jandalf: Ohhhhhh, here we go again with the rank pulling.
Anna-Maria: (follows the Lard into the OR) Don't worry, we'll take good care of him...
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Post by Tiana, eh? on Jan 14, 2005 20:02:12 GMT -5
Eowyn: *taking many pictures, and making many notes* YOU'LL BE FOUND GUILTY, PEOPLES! I WILL NOT FAIL YOU, LARD! *cackles*
Tiana: Master... WHY ARE YOU LETTING THEM DO THIS?!
Anakin: *playing with scalpel* Does the lard even have a heart?
Eowyn: YES! DO NOT DENY OPPRESSED LARD RIGHTS!
Tiana and Anakin: *blink*
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Post by Lady Maeggaladiel on Jan 16, 2005 23:44:10 GMT -5
Faramir: *looking at an anatomical diagram of a ring-tailed lemur* Hmmm... *looks at Lard. Looks back at the chart* Hmmm.. *pokes Lard* There are some slight differences in the anatomical structures of the patient and the diagram... But who cares. *throws diagram away* How hard can it be to find a vending machine lodged within the stomach of a wad of lard?
Maeg: *observing vital signs* Wow... Tiana's got quite a lawsuit pending...
Far: NURSE! Put more sciency sutff around and bring in the machine that goes "PING."
Maeg: A maaaaaajor lawsuit. Fig, how are you going to defend Far?
Fig: THAT'S what I'm supposed to be doing? Oh. I dunno. Maybe I'll say that he thought it was a good idea at the time. Or maybe I'll move to Ensenada and change my name to Pablo.
Maeg: I... think I'll go help Icarus-- I mean Aragorn-- learn to fly.
Far: Wow, Anakin! That scalpel is so shiny! It's a shame we've got to soil it with Lard's greasy innards. Which is the same thing as his greasy outer layer, since he's nothing but lard within and without. I think. *re-consults lemur diagram.*
Figwit: I think I'm going to be violently ill.
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Post by Tiana, eh? on Jan 17, 2005 17:05:18 GMT -5
Tiana: Me? A lawsuit? No, that's my counterparts job.
Eowyn: *poking around, pulls out chewed gum wrapper* AHA!
Tiana: Aha?
Eowyn: Yes! This gum wrapper is proof that the Lard has been POISIONED!
Tiana: Oy vey.
Anakin: A shame, really, that we can't just kill the lard....
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Post by Lady Maeggaladiel on Jan 18, 2005 11:50:27 GMT -5
Far: *winks* There's always the slim chance of surgery failing...
Maeg: FAR!
Far: ButofcourseI'msurethatnothinglikethatwillhappen.
Fig: You've poisoned Lard with gum?!
Far: Lard got gum!? How come WE don't get gum!? HE GOT A WHOLE VENDING MACHINE'S WORTH!
Thomas: Far! Heeelllp meeeee!
Maeg and Fig: o.O
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Post by Jandalf on Toast on Jan 18, 2005 16:34:13 GMT -5
Anna-Maria: (gasps) THOMAS!! HE'S ALIVE!!!! (shakes Faramir) HE'S ALIVE!! QUICKLY!! SAVE HIM FROM THE DOOM THAT HAS NOT YET CLAIMED HIM BUT STILL MIGHT ANYWAY IF WE DON'T HURRY!!!!
Stormtrooper Chorus Line: WEEEEEE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WEEE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WEEEE—<br> Jandalf: (smacks them upside their helmets)
Obi-Wan: (grimaces) This court case is doomed to failure.
Anna-Maria: (riffles through other anatomical diagrams) Ummm...I don't think the lemur one was quite as accurate as we could have, mate...uh...AHA!! (pulls out one of a meerkat) This should do wonderfully.
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Post by Lady Maeggaladiel on Jan 19, 2005 11:39:24 GMT -5
Far: HUZZAH! *examines diagram* Much better. *gets out can opener and uses it to pry open Lard's mouth.* I think I can see the vending machine down there! GAH! I think I can see my car keys down there!! LARD!
Maeg: *peeks inside Lard* HEY! There's my day planner! *takes it out. Every entry says "Annoyt Figwit, make Faramir's life miserable."* Well, at least I'm still on schedule.
Figwit: *looking in* Jees, Lard! Why on earth did you eat this stuff! Hey, is that my sock?
Far: PREPARE THE CRANE! *random minions enter with a large crane. They attach the crane to the vending machine* Secure the patient!
Figwit: Crane?
Maeg: This is some operation, huh?
Far: Where's my Special Surgeon Socks?
Far: WE'RE COMIN, THOMAS!
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Post by Jandalf on Toast on Jan 20, 2005 16:57:15 GMT -5
Anna-Maria: (busily starts strapping the Lard down to the bed so he won't lift up along with the vending machine) I think the Lard ate the Special Surgeon Socks, too. But don't worry, mate...we'll get them out.
Obi-Wan: (is writing his own will)
Jandalf: (singing) AND IT'S A HEAVE-HO, HIGH-HO, COMIN' DOWN THE PLAINS STEALIN' WHEAT AND BARLEY AND ALL THE OTHER GRAINS AND IT'S A HO-HEY, HIGH-HEY, FARMERS BAR YOUR DOORS WHEN YOU SEE THE JOLLY ROGER ON REGINA'S MIGHTY SHORES!!!!!
Obi-Wan: 0_o
Jandalf: Whaaaaaaaaaat? It's the Last Saskatchewan Pirate by the Arrogant Worms. They rock. They also wrote the one called Santa's Coming And He's Going To Kick Your A—<br> Obi-Wan: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-think-that's-quite-enough-for-now. Thank you.
Jandalf: Are you sure? I can sing you the chorus—<br> P. G. Faerie: (tackles her)
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Post by Lady Maeggaladiel on Jan 21, 2005 23:22:55 GMT -5
Far: HE ATE MY SOCKS?!
*crane starts lifting out the vending machine*
Fig: Hang in there, Lard buddy!
*crane breaks and falls inside Lard*
Far: THAT wasn't supposed to happen.
Maeg: *checks law book* I think this could count as malpractice...
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Post by Redrose on Jan 22, 2005 21:42:58 GMT -5
Redrose: Hi guys! This is Jerry and Carl the orcs....Ooo! Are you doing an operation??
Boramir: Hi FARAMIR,if that's your REAL NAME!! * starts playing with a sock*
Carl: ARRG! Redrose, can we kill him now?
Jerry: Yeah! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE??!
Redrose: You can try, he just keeps coming back...*watches Faramir try to get the crane out of Lard* HEY! Is that my kitty toy in there? MY CATNIP MOUSE! * pounces on Lard, but he is so jiggly that she falls off*
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Post by Lady Maeggaladiel on Jan 23, 2005 0:25:36 GMT -5
Far: GAH! BOROMIR! What are you doing in MY operating room?!
Maeg: Hi Redrose!
Fig: Hey Maeg, I've been thinking...
Maeg: Congratulations!
Fig: How can Redrose be your sister if you're an elf and she's...
Maeg: An Evil Iron Chef Dwarf Cat Demon?
Fig: Yeah.
Maeg; No idea. Something to do with the mysteries of the Internet and the magic of genetics.
Fig: oh.
Far: Hey Jerry and Carl! I hear you're trying to get rid of Boromir. Well, it's darned hard, I'll tell you. I've been trying since childhood. I mean, the guy gets shot multiple times and falls off a waterfall AND LIVES! What are the odds of that, huh?
Maeg: Shouldn't you be operating on someone?
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Post by Redrose on Jan 23, 2005 23:03:36 GMT -5
Jerry: we are going to go and kill Boramir, Redrose.
Redrose: Ok. go ahead. I am going to watch the operation. AND GET MY CATNIP MOUSE BACK!!! RAHR!
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Post by Lady Maeggaladiel on Jan 24, 2005 15:18:39 GMT -5
Fig: Would the PG Faerie care if they killed Boromir?
Far: I don't think so. Like I said; it's imposible to kill him. He just keeps coming back. Shoot him full of holes, throw rocks at him, have a warg eat him, throw him into a pit of rabid cheese graters... he just won't die. Trust me. I've tested the theory.
*Figwit sees Redrose*
Fig: Oooh! A kitty! Here, kitty-kitty-kitty!
Maeg: Um, Fig? I wouldn't do that if I were you. She's a DEMON CAT...
Fig: *pets Redrose* Cyoooot! Cutie cat!
Maeg: *sigh* She doesn't like that... Oh well, it's your funeral.
Far: KEEP THE RIFF-RAFF OUT OF MY OPERATING ROOM! NOW... How to get this crane out of Lard without any more lawsuits... Any ideas, nurse?
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Post by Jandalf on Toast on Jan 24, 2005 20:41:13 GMT -5
Anna-Maria: (taps her chin thoughtfully) Well, I'm not sure how to avoid a lawsuit ENTIRELY...however, you could potentially trick someone else...oh...say, your brother, into doing it for you, and the blame (and consequently the lawsuit) would fall upon his shoulders.
Obi-Wan: (has fallen asleep by now)
Jandalf: Hey, you need another crane to pull the first one out, or something?
Anna-Maria: ...Would that necessarily be a wonderful idea?
Jandalf: (shrugs) But Faramir DOES want his Special Surgeon Socks back...doncha, buddy?
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Post by Vanacoriel on Jan 24, 2005 22:09:44 GMT -5
Lard: I feeel a little bit sick.
Van: Give a little time for the child with in you, don't be afraid to be young and free, undo the locks and throw away the keys...
Lard: OOOH NOT THAT sSONGG!!
VAN: I LOVE FOOORGEET MEE NOTTTSS!!!!
Lard: How is everyone? What's been happening I can't remeber anything
Van: Evil Laugh
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Post by Lady Maeggaladiel on Jan 25, 2005 12:03:01 GMT -5
Far: Oooh! I like this idea! *grins wickedly*
Maeg: Uh oh...
Far: OH DARLING BROTHER! I HAVE A SUPER-SPECIAL JOB FOR YOOOOU!
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